Starting Over Again As A Christian

” I remember when no song would phase me.

I remember thinking no prayer could penetrate me.

I remember when no emotion towards church would escape me.

I remember thinking no low level could describe me.

It had been years of me fighting against God’s presence.

How could we ever reconcile?

It’s not like I didn’t want to.

I was afraid!

He knew every thing and everyone I ever did.

But, His love never gave up on me!

The very moment I came back to Him He embraced me.

He welcomed me with an open heart.

He forgave me!

And I am truly grateful for His grace.”

-Breonna Gildon

We can keep running, but we are never too far away from God’s love.

In 2012, I can honestly say I felt the furthest away from God. During the time, I was involved in a romantic relationship with a woman who would emotionally, mentally, and physically tear me down!

I isolated myself and lived miles away from family. Therefore, the idea of “coming back to Jesus” or going back home was the last thing on my mind.

I grew up believing homosexuality was the most disgraceful sin anyone could choose. An abomination lifestyle most church folk would say I lived!

Therefore, I felt by me committing to this one sin made me worse than anyone else who may of committed multiple sins. Daily, the enemy enticed me with many lies and I believed him.

Because I spent years being with women, I couldn’t fathom the thought of any man choosing to love me. Especially, God! I would say, “How could He love someone who was doing the one thing that makes Him so disgusted?”

I was deep in the lifestyle. Just being in the church atmosphere brought me to a sense of nervousness! Any time I would try out a new church with the woman whom I dated, I could feel their judgement piercing us like a knife!

Now, why would she wear that to church?

Is that a boy or girl?

They’re nasty!

Eventually, I found myself no longer interested in trying to be a part of a faith based community. Though I accepted Christ in my heart and wanted to get out of the lifestyle, I didn’t feel comfortable to open up to any one at church.

The people would say God is love and they loved God. At the same time, they would be so quick to condemn me before I could open up my mouth to ask, “Can you pray for me?”.

The shift came when I decided to stopped worrying about how the church saw me and began reading for myself how God thinks of me. God revealed that in His eyes no sin is worse than the other!

In Romans 3:23-24, it states:

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.”

God helped me to gain a new insight on how we are to love others. Though I started over again, I can say it wasn’t easy to break free from the life!

As we continue to follow my journey, we will learn how hard the battle of staying in sin so long can be even harder to escape.

The danger of being far away from God is being unable to hear from Him.

God is our direction.

He designed everyone of us and He created a divine purpose for our lives! If we are unable to hear from Him, we are missing out on living a life filled with abundance.

Even when we make the choice to stop following Him God still loves us.

In Romans 8:38-39, it states:

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The scriptures give us a clear truth: there is nothing that can separate us from God’s love!

At any moment, God is ready for us to come back to allow Him to be our guide.

No matter how far away we are from God He will not force His love on us. He gives us the choice to trust in Him.

God knows we will all fall into temptations. We may even stay trapped in the sin longer than we may of expected. Just know, as long as we are still living on earth it is never too late for us to reconcile with God.

He’s always ready to embrace us!

Surrender Nuggets!

God loves us and there is nothing we can do to separate us from His love.

All it takes is for us to come back to Him and simply say, “God forgive me.” or “I need you, God”.

God is always ready and willing to embrace us with open arms.

Read entire chapters of Romans 3 & 8

When we invite God to back into our lives, He provides the direction and strength we need to turn away from sin!

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6 thoughts on “Starting Over Again As A Christian

  1. I love that you found your way back DESPITE the Christians who were not being Christlike towards you! Wanted to share a quote from the book :The Universal Christ by Richard Rohr (so good)…it applies because a lot of people in church-like settings tend to be quick judges and accusers of others. That is NEVER our job. “If a voice comes from accusation and leads to accusation, it is quite simply the voice of the “Accuser”, which is the literal meaning of the biblical word “Satan”.” Do not let others accuse you – there is only One we answer to. Spend your energy and time focused on Him, not of them. 🙂 I love your strong spirit! Thanks for this beautifully honest post.

    Liked by 1 person

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