I don’t understand what’s wrong with me?
It seems like it always works out for them.
But, it never works out for me.
What am I doing wrong!
To be honest, I’m tired of trying.
What’s the point?
I already know how it played out before.
Maybe, this is the way God wants it to be!
Bitterness silently destroys us.
We have all been bitter. At some point, there has been something in our lives to make us resent someone. Not necessarily on who they are, but we may find ourselves unknowingly jealous of what they have.
If not, we may not be dreaming big enough!
Some of us may grow bitter from the desire of wanting material possessions. We may want to live in a better neighborhood only because we see a friend of ours recently purchased a house or we may feel it’s our time to have a better paying job not necessarily to be a blessing to someone. We may desire the increase in income just to have a title or stunt on others!
The rest of us may become bitter in our singleness. As we scroll on social media, we may see people younger than us or people that we feel live in a way we think isn’t pleasing to God are getting married and having children.
Subconsciously, as we stop to like or comment Congrats, internally we may be thinking the complete opposite,
When did they even start talking?
Seriously, do they deserve what they have?
Either way carrying bitterness in our hearts makes it hard for us to genuinely love. And, if we are unable to extend God’s love to others we are prolonging our process to actually receive the desires of our hearts.
God never removes without replacing!
Earlier this year, I shared with you, my new found journey into singleness.
( If you haven’t already, read Single, Again? 😉)
Therefore, we know God revealed to me before the end of my previous relationship I need to heal emotionally. Throughout this year, God has been stretching me and I am learning how to forgive those who have hurt me.
Yes, you read that correctly!
Recently, God revealed to me I still hold bitterness in my heart towards the idea of being in love again.
You see, ever so often I spend time watching tv with my Momma because I stay with my parental units. (And, this will be a blog post for another week! ☺️)
My mom has a great interest in Hallmark Movies. You know the movies that always have a happily ever after ending. The movies where the girl who’s recently ended a relationship with her long time boyfriend. Then, she meets a random stranger and they fall completely in love after two weeks of knowing each other!
Do you see why I ever so often watch tv with her?
On a particular occasion, my mom asked for me to watch tv with her. I decided to agree because I didn’t have anything else to do and I do enjoy being around her.
Honey Bunches, I kid you not! The moment she turned on the tv I blurted out, “Momma, please! Don’t turn on a Hallmark movie!”
Right after those words left from my lips I could hear God say, “Breonna, you’re bitter.”
It was one of the hardest truths I’ve had to face; I am bitter.
When I now think of the idea of marriage and children, I know being a wife and mother are two titles I would like to have. At the same time, it’s so hard to think about due to the fact I still hold hurt in my heart from my last relationship.
Sometimes, I think about all I invested into the relationship and wonder could I or some else be that invested, again?
So, I admit when I see others who are married or with children my heart aches. It doesn’t take long before the negative/random thoughts kick in either!
• Will someone be willing to accept all of me, fully?
• Can they be comfortable about my past?
• Are my parents going to live long enough to see me getting married? Have children?
• Will he be chocolate? 😆
Okay, seriously! You get the idea!
After, God revealed to me that I am bitter, I acknowledged the truth, accepted it, and did what I always do when I sin against God…
I went to the Bible!
And, let me tell y’all, it read my bitter butt!!
In Hebrews 12:15 (NIV), the Bible states:
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
I am learning the danger of us allowing bitterness to stay in our hearts is it spreads every where in our lives.
Think about it!
Death and life are in the power of our tongues. When we have bitterness in our hearts, it’s hard for us to speak in love.
No matter how hard I pray for marriage and children I’m learning it’s quite difficult for God to hear over the bitterness in my heart.
God always replaces what is removed in our lives. The beautiful thing when God restores it is beyond anything we could ever think of imagine!
Acknowledge the bitterness, Then Pray!
Write down what makes you bitter.
Then, pray to God asking Him to remove the bitterness and replace it with joy. God knows what’s inside of our hearts. He wants for us to ask for His help! Call it out 😉
If you’re single, intentionally babysit/volunteer with children. Ask a happy married couple about marriage.
I’m learning the more I am around those things I desire I am becoming less bitter and more grateful.
Remember: God never removes without replacing.
We never know how hard someone prayed for what they have!
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