I Am No Longer Who I Used To Be

“You’re cute for a big girl.”

“You dress nice for a big girl.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard these backhanded compliments my bank account would be lovely!

I never really understood how anyone deeply felt this was a compliment.

Like really, just because I’m not skinny I couldn’t possibly be beautiful or dress well?

But, I’ve heard these comments too many times that I care to admit and for a long time it played into my insecurities…

The same insecurities I buried deep within my soul; so deep that sometimes I believed they didn’t exist!!!

Most of my life I was thick.

Mom did an amazing job purchasing me the cutest clothes in my size, but that didn’t stop me from being picked last for the kickball team or being called names in elementary school.

But, by the time I hit middle and well into high school my perspective change; especially when I was introduced to the late Dr. Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman.

“Pretty woman wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size…it’s in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips, the stride of my steps, the curl of my lips. I am a woman phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman that’s me.”

I remember quoting that poem after I prayed every morning.

The poem helped me battle the demons inside that told me I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough…

Nobody wanted a big girl, and that I wasn’t nobody and would never become anything.

There were not too many people who knew I struggle with insecurities because of my demeanor.

I dress very well, I always smell good because you know the myth, all big girls smelled bad….

So not true!!!

Always maintained my hair and nails; I always smiled and joked around…

Yes, you were definitely going to laugh along as you were around me!

I was always that person you could come talk to for inspiration and advice.

Check on your strong friends because they need some encouragement too!!!

There was a dark moment in my life where the voices got the best of me and I tried to take my life by attempting to overdose on pills…thank God for my failed attempt!!!

It was during this time that I was reintroduced to Psalms 139:13-14.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I had to be reminded that my heavenly father created me!

Not only did he create me, but he created me in his own image… This unique blessed being imperfect and all!!!

 It was this pivotal point where there was a shift in my mindset.

It was then I begin to understand that I am worthy… I am beautiful… I am blessed as well as favored!!!

The reflection in the mirror spoke to me differently with reassurance that I am a child of God…created by his loving hands and he doesn’t make anything less than the best and I am his creation!!!

It’s easy to fall into a space where you question yourself; especially when you compare yourself to others.

From pictures in a magazine or on Instagram, post on social media or simply comparing yourself to siblings, relatives, friends and coworkers.

But if ever you have to be reminded, Psalms 139:13-14 is the perfect place to start.

Whenever I get caught up I go back to God’s word.

I remind myself that I am imperfectly perfect… I may be flawed but I am blessed!

I’m loving the space I’m in but more so, I am loving Brianna and loving the skin I’m in!

It doesn’t matter how long it took me to get here… I thank God I made it!!!

Healing Nuggets!

You are beautifully, fearfully and wonderfully made.

And you are worthy of it all!!!

Let your light shine…because that’s exactly what I’m going to do!!!

Writer: Brianna Screen

Brianna D. Screen Full-Time Administrative Assistant

Blogger, Amazing N’Spired 2BU (revamping)

Former Editor-In-Chief of Bold Favor Magazine

Former “Ask Bri” Columnist For Bold Favor Magazine

Editor, Leading Through Living Community

Founder of the “Forever My Sissy’s Keeper” Movement

Founder of SheKeeps Keepsakes & Favors

If Brianna’s story empowered you, Comment below “I Am Empowered!” ✨

Want to hear more from Brianna? 

Read more of Brianna’s surrender life journey in When Your Strength Is Tested

In the mean time

Who’s up for a virtual bible study 👋

Tomorrow, join our Empower Her community in Week 2 of The Esther Challenge!

Here Are 2 Ways You Can Be A Part:

1. Join Our Empower Her Facebook Community: We Share To Empower

Each week, BG will host a LIVE Bible Study with you in our exclusive Empower Her group.

2. Subscribe To Our Esther Challenge via The Bible App: The Esther Challenge

For more information, email empowerherblog@gmail.com with subject line “The Esther Challenge w/Empower Her” 

You can join our FB group, Subscribe to our Bible plan, or both! 

Either way, we are so excited to go on this journey with you. 

OH Wait!

🗣 God did it again…

If you’re in Tulsa, great news!

Tune in to 89.9FM and listen to BG’s chat with the ladies of Real Life, Real Talk Radio Show.

THIS THURSDAY, the topic will be Single, Celibate, and Celebrating!

BG would love to have the support of Empower Her Community💞

Listen On-Air or Tune in LIVE via Facebook here

See you there, Honey Bunches

2 thoughts on “I Am No Longer Who I Used To Be

  1. Love your blog! Continue to shine and emit your beautiful and positive energy and light to the rest of the world. You are beautiful inside and out. I am fortunate to know you.
    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love it beautiful! I’m so proud of you and your
    accomplishments. How inspiring this blog is!
    I knew you were always a great writer and I’m so glad you are continuing this journey. I will be tuning in to more. Blessings Hon.

    Liked by 1 person

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